I have a tremendous love for hosting. I’ve always found it to be a wonderful way to be of service to others while also being creative and getting to explore beauty. Perhaps it’s my algorithm now that I’ve entered my 30s, or perhaps it’s the countless headlines saying Americans aren’t partying enough, but hosting seems to be more and more popular, which I’m particularly excited about.
But in a world of social media feeds, I think hosting sometimes gets reduced to its visuals rather than the experience of the guests and the host. I’ve also noticed an increase in social clubs and events, many of them run by creators. I hate to be a downer, but I’ve been to quite a few of these events and left wondering where the craft was, because, candidly, the guest experience left something to be desired.
I’ve written a bit about hosting and guesting before, but I figured it was time for an update now that I have a bit more experience under my belt. So let’s get into some of my hosting philosophies, tips and tricks, and overall recommendations (including budgeting)!
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My Philosophies on Hosting
One of my biggest suggestions for understanding hosting is to experience true service yourself and learn to see it as intrinsically valuable, really an act of deep love, respect, and honor. A really fun introduction to this is afternoon tea, which, unlike high tea (a heartier and more casual evening meal), is all about presentation and service. It’s refinement on display. Budget for an exceptionally nice one, and experience it fully. If you’re in Chicago, I have some recommendations here, and shameless plug, I review afternoon teas on YouTube! While you’re there, really take in how your server addresses the table, anticipates needs, responds to hiccups, and seems to have an unmatched knowledge base.
If tea isn’t your thing, get dressed up and take yourself to one of your area’s highest-rated bars, maybe even one in a five-star hotel, and sit at the bar and watch the bartender. I suggest going during a less busy time. Take in all the little details. If you’re at a bar, notice the weight of the cocktail napkins, and if you’re at tea, notice the types of sugar they serve and all the little bits that come with it. Whatever the experience is, bask in it, treat it as a worshipping of yourself, and try to find how you can pour that worship into your own hosting.
Now, I believe hosting has three components: service (or experience), ambience, and communication. Generally, all of my tips fit into these three categories. I’d say experience counts for about 50% of it, with the other two clocking in at 25% each. Let’s get into each.
In Servitude: The Act of Making Them Feel Welcome
Service, or guest experience, is incredibly important because it’s the core of forming the memory and the feeling. It’s really what makes people go, “Ugh, yes, I want to do that again. I want to come back!” I think the experience is what people think about most the next day, when they’re back to the mundane.
As a host, I think it’s so important to think about the needs of your guests, and that can really range: everything from having options for people who aren’t drinking, to thinking about the temperature of the space, to having little things in your bathroom like tiny mouthwashes, menstrual products, or hairspray for touch-ups. It also means taking into account that not everyone starts from the same place when it comes to being a guest. Oftentimes there’s someone who might not know the other guests, and it’s your job to make sure they feel a part of the conversation and included in the party. I’d even venture that it’s nice to take a moment to intentionally connect them with someone who has similar interests.
As a host, you set the tempo and energy for the party. And no, it doesn’t have to be perfect every time. Sometimes there are personalities that just don’t click. But it’s important that you do your part as best you can. For me, every gathering is an opportunity to build memories with my guests, and I take so much joy in getting to express how much I enjoy and love them by building those memories.
Creating Beauty: The Art of Ambience
When it comes to ambience, I think this is the part that, thanks to platforms like Instagram and TikTok, gets mistaken for the single most important thing. It’s also maybe the biggest blocker for a lot of people. So often (and I include myself in this), it can feel like your space isn’t perfect enough, and you tell yourself that once you have the perfect space, you’ll start hosting. That once you have all the perfect place settings and can make the perfect charcuterie board, then you’ll start.
But the reality is that hosting can come in any form, from having a friend over to watch a movie, to hosting a six-person sit-down dinner, to throwing your own birthday celebration. Size and scale shouldn’t dictate your desire to host. There’s so much more to hosting than whether it looks pretty. Granted, that really helps, and I do love decorating and preparing for a party, but I don’t think you should let it stop you or make you compare yourself to others. What’s that saying? Comparison is the thief of joy.
With that said, I think a clean house is important, so I’d suggest prioritizing that. I also love to have a candle or two burning, including a little votive in the bathroom (this is one of my favorites!). And I love to have the lighting situation considered. In the daytime, I’ll open the blinds and let the light in, and in the evening, it’s a no-big-light zone: lamps, candles, and anything cozy. As for the rest, I’ve put together some of my favorite hosting homewares here.
Cordially Yours: The Act of Inclusion
Last but certainly not least is communication, which I think overlaps a little with experience. In the age of Partiful, I think communication has often lost its place. I’m old school when it comes to communication. I like it to feel intentional, direct, and ideally delivered with sweetness. I believe in communicating with your guests beforehand, so that means sending out personal invites. This could mean mailed invitations, but in reality, it’s often a text sent to the individual, or to both partners if it’s a couple. I invite both partners in a couple (assuming I know them both and have their numbers), because in a world of gender politics, the responsibility of coordinating a couple’s attendance so often falls on women, or on the partner who’s traditionally seen as more feminine. Something I don’t personally cosign. I also never send one big group text to all my guests. I want each of them to know I want them there.
In those messages, I like to share any event specifics, like what will be served and when, whether specific attire is needed, or whether anything is requested (like donations to a fundraiser or, with some of my closer friends, last-minute bits like ice). Depending on the scale of the event, I usually send a check-in text the day before and a thank-you text the day after. I like to let my guests know what to expect, or even just that I’m happy they’re coming, though I’m mindful not to bombard them.
Hosting Tips and Tricks
Hosting is such a pleasure and an honor, but in my opinion, it’s also a true skill. It’s something you get better at with time, and ultimately something you learn from your mistakes. Here are some tips I’ve learned over the years... sometimes the hard way.
Prep 48 Hours Ahead
The day of your event is not the time to cram everything in. It should be about enjoying it as much as possible. So I start my prep about 48 hours before, sometimes 72, depending on my schedule. This starts with a deep clean: scrubbing the bathroom and kitchen, washing the floors, doing laundry, and taking inventory of the pantry before I shop.
About 24 hours before, I buy the food and prep anything that can be made ahead, like salad dressing or dessert. This is also when I set the space. Setting a table is probably my favorite thing to do. I usually have a theme in mind, so I’ll pick up flowers, branches, or other greenery during my grocery run. Then I put on a wonderful playlist or podcast and take my time enjoying the little bits of labor. Before bed, I do one more sweep of the floors and tidy anything that’s gotten messed up. Just accept that when you’re hosting, you live a life of sweeping. Pro tip: always steam that tablecloth (I use a little handheld steamer).
On the day of, I prep any final food and clean as I go. I used to think it was a good look to run around like a chicken with its head cut off so everyone knew how hard I was working, but I realized it just made my guests feel like they were walking into tension. So take a beat before anyone arrives. Allow yourself a bit of quiet, and experience the space before anyone else does.
Do a Test Run of Your Dishes
Never debut a brand-new recipe at your party. Make it at least once beforehand so you know how long it really takes, what it needs, and how it tastes. That way you can tweak the seasoning, time out your oven, and walk into the day with confidence. Trust me, the day of is not the time for surprises.
Have Water Out and Available
Whether you’re serving alcohol or not, everyone could use more water. I keep a few bottles of both still and sparkling clearly accessible, usually in my large champagne bucket with the other drinks. My favorite brand ever is Hildon (it’s said to be the official water of the British aristocracy). It has a clean crispness that’s unmatched, and the sparkling has a very small but sharp bubble. I also have an Aarke that I love for making my own sparkling water at home.
Set Expectations Ahead of Time
It might feel a bit direct, but let people know what’s going on so they can plan accordingly: what you’re serving (light bites vs. a meal), when you’re serving it, the attire, and the occasion, if there is one. Nothing is worse than not knowing you’re there to celebrate someone’s birthday!
Mind the Noise
I love music, but let’s be real, people want to talk to each other! Keep the volume at a level where conversation comes easily.
Get More Than You Think You Need
Listen, there’s nothing worse than running out of something. I always buy a bit more food than I think I’ll need, and if it’s a close-friends situation, I love sending people home with leftovers.
Batch Your Cocktails
If you’re hosting a larger group and don’t love playing bartender, batch a signature cocktail. I’ve done this with both alcoholic and nonalcoholic options. Recently, per Chelsea Fagan’s hosting tips, I’ve started batching one nonalcoholic cocktail and setting out a spirit alongside it, so guests can choose whether to add alcohol and how much. A little cup of garnishes on the side makes it feel special.
Assign Small Roles
People love to feel useful, especially close friends. Asking someone to pour drinks, light the candles, or pick the next record helps them feel at home and takes a little pressure off you. It also gives a guest who doesn’t know many people an easy way to jump in and connect.
Manage Yourself
No one likes a rushed host. Your guests take their cues from you, so if you’re frazzled, they’ll feel it. Give yourself grace, sit down and actually eat, and remember that a few hiccups are part of the charm. The goal isn’t perfection. It’s being present with the people you love.
Cash Rules Everything Around Me
Listen, hosting can be both a financial and an emotional endeavor, so let’s talk finances. Personally, I’ve felt the pinch with inflation, and I have financial goals that are very important to me, so some of my more extravagant hosting moments have been scaled back. Hosting costs can add up quickly, which is why I always set a budget. And if I land within 10% of it, I’m still within budget. That’s my girl math speaking.
The key is knowing where to splurge and where to save. I tend to splurge on food and save a little on alcohol. I’m not buying bottom-shelf, but I have plenty of alcohol at home that I don’t use, and wine and champagne are a great place to save, since there are so many lovely bottles at a reasonable price. I also save on linens. Estate sales, eBay, and other secondhand marketplaces have great options.
When I’m planning my budget, I also think about what my time is worth. Sometimes bringing in catered food or picking up a few prepared dishes is actually the better deal once I factor in my energy, especially for bigger events.
More recently, I’ve been thinking about how to offset some of my costs. Here are a few ways I do it:
- Lean on what you already have. Shop your bar cart, your pantry, and your cabinets before you head to the store, and plan your menu around what you can. For example, I had some canned chickpeas that were expiring in a month, so I roasted them and added them to my salad for some crunch.
- Let people contribute. Close friends are almost always happy to bring a bottle of wine, a dessert, or a bag of ice. Just ask for something specific so it feels intentional, not like a potluck free-for-all.
- Cook with the seasons. Seasonal produce is cheaper and tastes better, and a few seasonal stars can carry a whole menu.
- Buy decor that lasts. Linens, candleholders, and serving pieces you love can be reused party after party, so each event costs less over time.
- Go simple with flowers. Grocery store bunches and a few branches can look just as beautiful as a florist arrangement when you style them well.
- Co-host. Splitting a party with a friend means splitting the cost, the labor, and the fun.
Hosting an Event Outside Your Home
I want to add a quick note about hosting somewhere other than your home, like a venue, a restaurant, or any other space. A lot of the same rules around service still apply.
Obviously, there are additional people helping you, so it’s often a little different, and some things will be out of your control. A venue might seem really helpful, you might sign off on every detail, and something still might not go right. What matters in that moment is how you communicate it to your guests. Make sure their needs are still being met as best as possible, and be honest when something doesn’t happen as planned.
If you’re hosting off-site, it’s also really important to stick to your best practices: going around the room and introducing people, making sure no one feels left out of conversations, and having a few talking points ready. This is also when you really understand that the size of a space matters.
My Favorite Hosting Bits
Okay, you can shop some of my picks here. Here are some of my general hosting essentials:
- My Williams Sonoma apron. This is my all-time favorite. I finally got myself an embroidered one, and let me tell you, I love this apron. It’s thick, durable, and really well structured, and for the price, it’s a great, great, great option. They update the colors a little every season, but I’d definitely say go ahead and get yours embroidered too. It just makes it feel so special.
- A very nice candle. As a fragrance girl, I’m picky about this one, and I love choosing something seasonal. For the holidays, I love LAFCO’s Woodland Spruce. In the cooler months, I’m also a big fan of Dark Rum from Malin+Goetz, and in the warmer months, I love Green Goddess from Flamingo Estate. And if you want to impress on a budget, I love Otherland and P.F. Candle Co.
- A glass punch bowl. Mine is from Crate and Barrel (I also love this one), and I repurpose it into a champagne bowl. It always feels really special.
- Cute little cocktail napkins. These are one of my biggest indulgences. I especially love custom embroidered ones, though I don’t have any yet.
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Additional Resources and Creators I Love
Antonio Thomas: I have to admit, the gold standard for me is Antonio Thomas. His approach to hosting is unmatched. It’s a pure celebration of glamour, deep appreciation, and a pinch of tradition. I get so giddy whenever one of his videos or photos pops up on my feed, and there’s so much to take away from him.
Chelsea Fagan’s “Having People Over”: This is a wonderful book that really emphasizes the guest experience. Chelsea also posts quite a bit about hosting in general and has some really great recipes.
Meghan Markle: Listen, I’m rooting for Meghan to win, so her Netflix series, With Love, Meghan, was very exciting to see. Watching her cook and prepare a space was such a treat and total inspiration.
Barbara “Babs” Costello: If you’re looking for a world of inspiration, especially for gatherings with family, I highly recommend Babs. She has a very streamlined approach to preparing food that I deeply admire.
Harrison Wallace: I love a little long-form YouTube escapism, and Harrison really takes you through it. He’s very thorough. I’ll also add that his tri-fold paper planning method is incredibly helpful.
Kindly Get Out of My House
At the end of the day, hosting isn’t about having the perfect space, the perfect table, or the perfect charcuterie board. It’s about making the people you love feel welcome, comfortable, and included. So light a candle, put out some water, and invite someone over. I promise it doesn’t have to be perfect to be memorable. And if you try any of these tips, I’d love to hear how it goes!
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